Dear Coleen, I’m so angry with my husband for never standing up for me with his parents. I’ve never got along with them or, more precisely, they’ve never taken to me.
Right from day one they never gave me a chance because they were in love with my husband’s previous girlfriend.
After a long-term relationship they got engaged, but my husband called it off and we met soon afterwards and started dating. We got married just eight months after meeting, which didn’t go down well and my husband kept being warned it was “too fast”.
I had nothing to do with him breaking up with his ex, but I’m still made to feel as if I did and that I’m not as good as she is. It’s all done in a subtle way – they’ve never said anything directly to me – it’s just little snide or insensitive comments, disapproving looks, disagreements, differences of opinion and so on.
They’re so cold towards me, particularly my husband’s mother, but he doesn’t get it and doesn’t understand how I feel. Is there anything I can do?
Yes, you can stop caring so much. The bottom line is, your husband chose you and they need to get over it. If they don’t, it’s their loss.
As long as the two of you love each other and you’re happy, that’s the most important thing. Try not to take the bait because it’s a no-win situation – you’ll all fall out and your husband will be in the middle.
I don’t think it’s worth it, especially if you don’t see them often. You shouldn’t have to prove yourself or try to fit in with their ideas of the “perfect daughter-in-law”. They have to get used to it and over time they will.
Maybe they were attached to his ex but that’s for them to deal with. They have to accept their son is a grown man, it’s his life, and they should be happy that he’s happy with you.
As for your husband, maybe he does understand but doesn’t want to make an issue of it in case it makes things worse. Or perhaps he doesn’t feel he needs to justify his marriage to his parents. Which he doesn’t.
Also, you’re picking up on a lot of subtle signs, which perhaps he hasn’t seen, so it would be hard to address them with his parents.